Thoughts On Fiction: Characters and Metaphors

What makes good fiction? Is it only the stories we’ve never heard, that sing their way through mediocrity until the unseen twist busts your lip open at the end? Is it long drawn out prose riddled with commas, where the underachieving protagonist dies at the end, but not before saving his love from a (only slightly) less attractive, mustache-having bad guy? Is it a sprawling series with way too many deaths and scenes within scenes posing as metaphors for the entire saga’s moral; where specific sceneries and interactions present the framework, sub-text, and entire plot, so at the end of the final book, you say: “Damn. That’s what that meant?” Is it just teen (or lonely mother) fantasy flukes?

I don’t think so. Now, I’m not exactly an authority on writing, and I’m not exactly sure I’m someone who should be giving advice on the subject, but I like to think that I have a few ideas on what makes good fiction.

Prepare to have your mind blown.

Characters.

Yup. That’s pretty much the most important thing. And no, dingbat, I’m not talking about craaazzzzy characters that do all types of weird and amazing stuff. No. I’m talking about normal-ass, people-seeming, real life characters. Sure, sometimes it’s cool to throw in something special about them. See: Justin Cronin’s character, Amy from The Passage trilogy; do not see: Stephen King’s Character, David, from Desperation. Amy was a science experiment, David had God tell him how to get out of sticky situations. We all know what a Mary Sue is right? RIGHT? Good. Anyway, divine intervention is no way to write your characters out of harm’s way.

Why are characters important for good fiction. Well, sir/madam, it isn’t simply “characters”. It’s believable characters. Why are believable characters important? Well, when a character acts outside of their development, or in a way that is simply unbelievable considering the traits you’ve learned of the character, it just doesn’t seem real. Good fiction, as you would expect, seems real. Write real characters. Use people you know as molds. Don’t write about an outgoing, leader-esque introvert. Don’t write a coward leading a battle, unless your development shows transformation. Discover your character’s favorite colors; foods; animals; toothpaste brand–even if it never comes up. You need to know them as real people, and you need to develop them, situationally, as real people develop. You need your characters to react as they would in real life. Or else, why did you create some personality-split-hybrid-loser?

Get it?

On to metaphors:

Good metaphors can make or break your prose. Good metaphors are as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Good metaphors keep writers as busy as bees. A good metaphor is a tough nut to crack. A bad metaphor will take the wind out of your sails; leave a thorn in your side; put you up shit creek without a paddle…

See what I did there?

Clichés: Learn them and never use them. That’s numero uno. There is nothing worse than a big ass cliché right smack dab in the middle of an otherwise solid scene.

Also, make sure your metaphors make sense. If you say something like: “Her eyes were knives that screamed in the moonlight.”, nobody is going to know what the fuck you’re talking about. Eyes don’t scream, and neither do knives. Get real.

What’s even worse is when writers explain their metaphors. “Life is Patterson Avenue at rush hour in the winter, because it has a lot of hills and you’re always worried about crashing–herp derp.” It’s f-in lame. Don’t do it.

“Life is an agoraphobic’s trip to the mall.” I don’t need to go on and explain: “It’s fuckin’ scary.” Do I?

Ok, this post is turning out to be a lot longer than I expected. Maybe I should make this a series-type-thing. Like, once a week or something. Next week let’s do something like, “Thoughts on Fiction: The Horrible Adverb and Effective Dialog”.

This post is just the tip if the iceberg (see what I did there?). Did you catch it? Hey? Guys…?

Hello?